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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578161">for the dancing and the dreaming</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/debonairnightmare/pseuds/debonairnightmare'>debonairnightmare</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aromantic, Aromantic Asexual Caduceus Clay, Asexual Fjord (Critical Role), Canon Asexual Character, Dancing, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, anyway, canon compliant scenes, i really dont know how else to tag this, implied bashter, it was gonna be longer but then i gave up &lt;3, please read i crave validation, sighs, this has been sitting in google drive for months so why not post it, why yes i am bitter thank you for asking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:15:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,724</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/debonairnightmare/pseuds/debonairnightmare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>fjorclay qpr. what more can i say. friends to qpr. et cetera. read it please.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beauregard Lionett/Reanminere "Reani", Caduceus Clay &amp; Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Fjord &amp; Beauregard Lionett, Fjord &amp; Jester Lavorre</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>for the dancing and the dreaming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi gamers so this has been sitting in my google drive since like november and i was gonna make it like twice as long but then i sort of stopped being interested in critical role so honestly this is mostly to clean out my drive but also if you leave kudos and comment i get validation so honestly its an all-win situation for me here. i am in fact posting this at 2:30am on saturday morning what about it. biochem has destroyed my sleep schedule. anyway please enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You scream like a girl.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>scream like a girl,” Fjord exclaimed, glaring at Beau as she leaned against a tree, rewrapping her fists. She raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right. That was sexist of me, and inaccurate. You scream like a prepubescent boy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>scream.” That was a lie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, so what did you do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was just...” Fjord sighed, “Excuse me for trying to have a heart attack with a little dignity!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau laughed, finished with her bandages and sitting down heavily in the snow, glancing over Fjord’s shoulder at something. He turned to look, but it was just the rest of their group, Jester laughing at something Caduceus had said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord sat down beside Beau, poking her bicep, “At least I didn’t get eaten by a giant snow bug.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau scowled at him, “Hey, I didn’t get eaten. I was just,” She paused, “In its mouth for a bit. If you want to make someone for getting eaten, make fun of Caduceus,” Beau gestured vaguely at the Nein, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>That </span>
  </em>
  <span>guy got fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>swallowed</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not going to make fun of Caduceus for getting swallowed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why the fuck not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It just seems like it’s happened too often to be funny anymore. I’m glad Caleb gave him the periapt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. It’s like the world has a grudge against Caduceus specifically or some shit. Dude can’t catch a break.” Beau shook her head sympathetically, and began fiddling with the wrappings on her staff.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord hummed his agreement, looking back at their party. He stared at the gem embedded in Caduceus’ breastplate, silently thanking it for its service. It twinkled in the evening sun, and Fjord glanced up at the sky, taking in the red and gold hues of the sunset over the mountainside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turning back to Beau, Fjord noticed that she was fixated on their group, a soft look in her eyes. He followed her gaze to Jester, who was locked in an argument with Nott. Sensing their eyes on her, Jester turned and grinned at them, her nose scrunching up. Beau reddened and gave a small wave back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord looked from Beau to Jester and back again. As Jester went back to her debate, Beau looked at her feet, and Fjord gave her what he hoped was a friendly punch in the shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, Jester, huh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau’s head snapped up and she narrowed her eyes at Fjord, “What? No. Well, yeah.” She paused, “If you tell anyone, you’re dead.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord raised his hands, leaning back slightly, “Hey, I wasn’t going to. Just didn’t see that one coming.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau snorted, “Yeah. Me neither.” Fjord patted her shoulder a few times. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, watching Caleb work on the hut and Nott and Jester begin to choreograph some kind of dance, having apparently lost interest in arguing. Caduceus sat nearby with his legs crossed, the cold wind tousling his fading hair. He looked up, giving Fjord a small wave and a slow smile. Fjord smiled and waved back, watching as Caduceus closed his eyes and steadied his breath, soothed by the rhythm of his rising and falling shoulders. When he looked back, Beau was smirking at him, stroking her chin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fjord,” Beau reached out, clapping his shoulder, “I’m not sure if you’re in any position to be judging crushes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord stared at Beau, confused, “What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, God,” Beau’s eyes widened and she retracted her hand, “Don’t tell me you don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t know what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh…” Beau paused, “I’m not sure how to tell you this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau made a face, “Jeez. Okay. Um,” She drummed her fingers against her knee, “How do you feel about Caduceus?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s my friend?” Fjord furrowed his brows, trying to figure out what exactly Beau wanted from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. And that’s it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” Beau sighed again, pinching the bridge of her nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And that’s why you crawled into the decapitated body of a giant bug? And got burned to Hell and back by acid?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well- yes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just friends. That’s what that talk in the Kiln meant? Strictly pals?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Fjord stopped, indignation creeping into his voice, “Wait, you heard that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau shrugged, “I had to pee.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you want from me, Beau,” Fjord threw up his hands in confusion, “We’re friends! He’s a good person! He’s kind and generous, and a fantastic cook. He’s an invaluable member of our group, and I don’t know where we’d be without him. He’s a little strange, but I personally find it quite endearing, and his hair is </span>
  <em>
    <span>fantastic</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and- Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau grinned as Fjord’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, and he hid his face in his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright, bud,” She patted his back, “Happens to the best of us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Fjord looked up after a few moments, sneaking a glance at Caduceus, who still appeared to be meditating. Beau was looking over to where Jester and Nott were continuing to work on their dance, a little sadness on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Fuck’ indeed.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~*~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus picked things out of his bag as he spoke, talking of graves and gifts and Melora. Fjord watched as he laid out his incense and supplies in a communion circle, a little honoured to be this close to Caduceus- and by proxy the Wildmother herself. When Caduceus had finished laying out his components, he looked up at Fjord, gesturing for him to sit down next to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to let you speak to her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To who?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To the Wildmother,” Caduceus continued as Fjord’s eyes widened, “You have three questions. The answers will be simple, just yes and no, simple positives or negatives. But if you want, and it can be- I know we have a lot here- and if you have any questions about what we’re getting into, that’s fine, but I wanted to give you the opportunity of maybe clarifying something that’s inside of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord couldn’t help the smile that had split across his face as Caduceus had spoken, and he struggled to wrestle his face into a more serious expression as he repeated the rules of the Commune.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, three questions, simple yes or no answers.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Or complex yes or no,” Caduceus interjected, smile never wavering. Fjord felt suddenly nervous. He didn’t want to sound stupid in front of someone who had been doing this type of thing for so long. He didn’t want to look bad in front of Caduceus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” Fjord kept his eyes on Caduceus as the cleric’s eyes slid shut, and they both inhaled the scent of the incense. The smell of sandalwood and the damp cave surrounded them as Fjord tried to match Caduceus’ breathing, “I have felt your presence, Wildmother. Is there a reason that you intervened in my particular journey?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus repeated Fjord’s question, his quiet voice calming him more than the breathing did, if Fjord was completely honest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Around them, the biting cold of the evening faded, but no warm or cool breeze came. Caduceus cracked an eye open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that’s the wrong question,” Fjord felt his cheeks warm slightly at Caduceus’ observation, “I don’t think that that has that kind of answer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord looked down, “Wrong question,” he repeated, wracking his brain for what would make sense, what would be the </span>
  <em>
    <span>right </span>
  </em>
  <span>question. He took another breath, “I miss having the ability to affect greater change by having more at my fingertips. If I were to change the way that I live, change what I focus on, or do, would you be able to help me regain some sort of standing in a way that’s similar to what I knew before?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Caduceus relayed the question, Fjord felt the warmth around them pick up a slight wind, jovial and understanding. Fjord saw a few verdant green leaves scatter across the ground, but he blinked and they were gone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think so. Something akin,” Caduceus smiled, eyes still closed, and Fjord grinned back, letting out an anxious laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh God, I have so many more questions. Why did I ask a stupid one first? I don’t know about any of this... It’s all a bit overwhelming. Cities and nature and deities overlapping,” Fjord sighed, cursing under his breath. Trying again to breathe with Caduceus, Fjord asked his last question, “Would you please… do something or show me something or intervene or take agency in my life and show me how best to move towards achieving that sort of change?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus chuckled, and a light breeze blew across the area they had set up in, like a forest sighing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, Fjord, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>could answer that one, what do you think this is? All of us, me here, you here, these people. This is intervention.” Fjord’s head snapped up as Caduceus spoke, watching in awe as the cleric gazed playfully down at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right…” Fjord exhaled, releasing something of the tension in his shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eventually, one day, somebody will pray for a miracle, pray for something to save them to whatever gods are nearby, and that prayer will be answered because you’ll show up,” Caduceus folded his hands in his lap, his curtain of pink hair slipping down from behind his shoulder as he leaned closer to Fjord, “That’s what a champion is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord swallowed, chewing the inside of his lip, “How often do you talk to her?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean,” Caduceus gestured to the cave around them, “Never stop.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Right. Clerics. Fjord couldn’t fathom a time where he wouldn’t be in awe of the power and faith that Caduceus and Jester both possessed in the face of divinity (perhaps not so much in Jester’s case). He couldn’t imagine ever not being humbled by the amount of sureness, of the clearness and intent, in Caduceus’ every action. He couldn’t imagine ever feeling quite good enough for the destiny Caduceus saw in him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t have your… stuff.” Fjord waved a hand slightly at Caduceus, who smiled a little wider in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even for my family I’m a little, uh…” Caduceus trailed off, still smiling. Fjord felt himself smiling as well as he searched for a word to express the cleric’s sentiment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A little eccentric?” Fjord asked, hoping he hadn’t offended Caduceus. Luckily, he just nodded his head, leaning back slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a good word, yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Without all of that is it still possible to… talk to her?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus’ smile was replaced with a more serious look, his purple eyes locking back in on Fjord, who squirmed slightly under the scrutiny, “She’s always listening.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She is?” Fjord has never been a particularly devout man before now, and the skeptic in him still found it difficult to grasp a deity that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>watching, listening, however they checked in on the prime material plane.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Caduceus cocked his head to the side slightly, “and the answers you get may not be the ones you want, and the answers may come in ways that you don’t necessarily understand or are almost too obvious to see. And the answers may be that you need to find where your power is. Where is the place that you are strongest? And nature is very big. And you are a mystery in many ways. I think inevitably something’s going to come out and show itself within you, and that’ll be the moment you know what element of righteousness you were supposed to champion and represent. What is the thing that inspires you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Caduceus finished talking, Fjord furrowed his brows, staring into his lap. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What is the thing that inspires you? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Fjord got the impression that ‘you’ would not be an adequate answer, so he settled for the next best thing in his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love the oceans. I always have.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you like about the oceans?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can get lost out there. It’s easy to fall away from everything else. It’s calming, it’s meditative, it’s… humbling,” Fjord smiled, glancing up at Caduceus’ face, </span>
  <em>
    <span>calming, meditative, humbling</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It would have been funny if it were a little easier, “You’re at the mercy of, well, the elements. Perhaps the greatest one on this plane.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus leaned forward again, “What do you dream about when your dreams are your own?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “It’s been so long,” Fjord laughed nervously, “I don’t know what I dream about, but i used to remember going down to the shore and just enjoying the sound of the ocean. It would wipe out everything else. It’s calming there. It’s also powerful. Seeing things wash up on the shore, be pulverized, made into smaller pieces. It’s relentless.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe when you were lost on that ship, you were heading towards something good and perfect at the bottom of the ocean, and maybe you just got caught by something that was down there hoping to catch something. Heading towards that purity, that goodness. Maybe there’s still something down there that’s what you’re describing. And not that thing that was a corruption of it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe. That reminds me,” Fjord sighed, cursing his shitty first question, “I should’ve asked if Uk’otoa is finished with me or not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I can answer that,” Fjord’s head snapped up to Caduceus as he spoke, eyes widening, “No.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord laughed, feeling slightly hysterical. He had gotten rid of the sword, he was trying to find a different path, that had to count for something, right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean, ‘no’?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would he be finished?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t… I don’t have the key or the sword, or any gifts,” Fjord felt like he was drowning again, searching for something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to grab onto, to bring him back to the air. He thought he had left this behind him. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>left this behind him. He had left this life and he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>useless </span>
  </em>
  <span>for it and now Caduceus was telling him it was all for nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that might not be a story that’s over yet,” Caduceus’ voice was sympathetic, and Fjord swore he felt a warm breeze at his back, a reassuring hug as he kicked to the surface, “This may be something you are battling for the rest of your life. But we’re going to arm you, and you’re going to be fine. But no, this isn’t gone, it’s just sleeping.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great. Good. Yes.” Fjord worked to steady his breath as he had when they were meditating. A few minutes ago everything had seemed so calm. It was astounding how a few words could shake such an incredible sense of calm to its foundations. But then, Uk’otoa seemed to do that to conversations. Giant multi-eyed serpents tended to have that aura about them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s good that it’s angry at you,” Fjord stared at Caduceus, “Maybe it means that it fears you-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Fjord interrupted, humming doubtfully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe it’s right to.” Caduceus’ scrutinizing eyes were on Fjord again, and Fjord closed his, sighing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish that were true,” Fjord opened his eyes, looking back at Caduceus, a new question on his mind, “If I wanted to learn about all these deities that seem... to trade amongst us like cards, how would I do that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus looked up in thought, eyes going to the roof of the cave, “Well, there’s the big ones, the ones that are the big ideas. Entities that rule large swaths of the world-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I read that book while we were waiting about the Calamity and the Betrayer Gods, and all of that. Does that serve as a menu of things to choose from?” It seemed ridiculous to refer to something so powerful and divine as a… menu.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, there’s no menu, you may-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uk’otoa was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>in that book!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus seemed unbothered by the interruption, but Fjord still sat back slightly embarrassed of his outburst, and listened more intently as Caduceus went on, “It’s a very big world, and there are lots of little ideas looking for champions, and there are lots of big ideas looking for champions, and maybe something that we don’t know about, like a Traveler, might come your way,” Fjord felt a warmth for Jester and her strange deity, but Gods, he didn’t think that was for him, “Or maybe a big idea will get ahold of you, I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good, good, good. Yes. More unknown. I like it.” He didn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You will. It’ll feel good.” Fjord didn’t think it would, but if he was honest, in the past week Caduceus had seemed to come before rational decision making, so who was he to assume his future? He had known that as soon as he had woken up on that beach with the falchion in his hand, he had stumbled into something dark, and here Caduceus was, dragging him back into the light. Fjord didn’t think he would ever stop owing him for that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, I know you don’t have to do any of this. It’s very much appreciated.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am your sign from the Wildmother. This is what I’m doing. This is what I’m supposed to do,” Fjord felt a slight sinking in his gut as Caduceus spoke again, of divinity and signs and destiny, though he didn’t suppose he had room to judge. It wasn’t as if Caduceus had saved his soul because he was such an incredibly good person to begin with. If Melora had intervened on his behalf, he was thankful for it, of course he was, “You asked for a sign and this is it. We’re going to keep doing this. We’re going to keep meditating, keep looking for the thing that you need. Starting with the sword.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Fjord gave a small smile, full of barely-disguised fondness, “I’m all for that. Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s worthwhile.” Fjord’s stomach filled with bees, buzzing and filling up his chest and throat and he swallowed them back down before they made him say something foolish. Caduceus spoke again before Fjord had another opportunity to say something he’d regret.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, God, it got cold.” He looked around, the warmth created by the Commune now gone from the air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m actually quite warm.” Fjord barely restrained himself from cursing out loud as the words left his mouth. Fortunately, shockingly, Caduceus didn’t seem to pick up on anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going inside, I have no meat on me.” Caduceus, moved to his knees, gathering his incense and the rest of his components.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Fjord watched the cleric walk farther away, he let himself hope that Caduceus was helping him because of more than the divine. He let himself hope that maybe, someday, Caduceus would be more than a sign and a friend. That maybe they would find a life away from ancient white dragons and underwater leviathans and Betrayer Gods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord shook himself (it really did get cold), and stood, following Caduceus into the cave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~*~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After what Fjord couldn’t quite call a </span>
  <em>
    <span>successful </span>
  </em>
  <span>mission to Gelidon’s lair and back and an eventful mission to the Tumblecarve residence, the Nein (accompanied by Reani, Umi, and Deilin) made the trek back to the Kiln. Fjord hoped they didn’t encounter any more giant snow bugs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For most of the journey, Fjord had walked on his own, occasionally chiming in to make a comment on the current topic of conversation, but overall content to take in the scenery and keep an eye out for any significantly worm-like drifts of snow. After an hour or so, Reani sidled up beside him, twisting her ponytail around her hands and then untwisting it and beginning the process again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They had walked like that for an awkward thirty seconds or so before Reani finally took the biggest inhale Fjord had ever heard in his life and muttered something quickly under her breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, what was that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“IthinkBeauisreallyprettydoyouhaveanyadviceonhowtogethertolikeme?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, I didn’t quite catch that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Reani took another deep breath, “I… think Beau is reallypretty… howdoIgethertolikeme?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh?” Oh. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hm.” Fjord looked at Reani, then up ahead at Beau, who was listening to Jester as she read from one of her smut books. When she noticed Fjord looking at her, she turned and grinned at him, giving Reani a wave, flexing her biceps probably a little more than was necessary for such a small gesture. Reani gave Beau a bright smile and waved back, and once Beau had tuned back into Jester’s narration, she looked up at Fjord, her eyes slightly panicked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seriously, I don’t know what to do and she’s so strong and pretty and I will </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>forgive myself if I don’t-” Reani’s voice got higher with each word, and Fjord frantically began to shush her, glancing at the rest of the group to make sure they didn’t hear Reani’s panicked rambling. After a few seconds, Fjord thought she had calmed down enough for him to talk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Looking around again to check for any listeners, Fjord bent over slightly to whisper to Reani.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To be honest, I think she already likes you. She doesn’t usually flex that much just to wave at people,” Reani flushed, looking down at her feet, and Fjord held in a laugh. He shouldn’t laugh at her. She was having a hard time. But gods help him, this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hilarious</span>
  </em>
  <span>, “Seriously, just go for it. Give her a flower or something, she’ll probably love it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Reani nodded, now absentmindedly druidcrafting blue, flowering vines and expertly weaving them into crowns, “I’m sorry to come to you with all this, I just figured you were the best one to ask.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord tilted his head to the side, confused, “Why would I be the best to ask? I’m not exactly the </span>
  <em>
    <span>wisest </span>
  </em>
  <span>in the group.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you know,” Reani shrugged, tossing the flower crown away and starting on another one with slightly lighter flowers, “You and Caduceus seem happy so I figured-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord almost tripped over his feet, stopping in his tracks, Reani put a hand on his shoulder to steady him, and he looked down at her incredulously, “You think Caduceus and I are… a thing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Reani’s eyes widened, “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry, I just assumed because you know, you seem close and you went off together for like half an hour with no explanation and you look at each other like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>all the time. Oh, gods, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord didn’t quite register what Reani had said until a few seconds later. He blinked, the cotton that had filled his head for a brief moment gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, no. Yeah. I mean- No, Caduceus and I are not a thing. Though,” Fjord laughed awkwardly, beginning to walk again, “Looking back, I can see why you might think that.” He cursed under his breath as Reani caught back up with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry. I didn’t mean to assume.” Fjord waved her off, speeding up again to hopefully catch Caleb so they could walk in angsted silence for the remainder of the day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s not a problem.” Fjord called over his shoulder. He’d have plenty of time to feel guilty about the way he handled that later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord fell into step beside Caleb, and let the rhythmic crunching of the snow under his boots fill his ears. A few seconds after falling into step with the wizard, he felt his coat grow warm, as if he had left it to dry beside a fire. He glanced up at Caleb, who looked at him, giving a small smile, which Fjord returned, nodding slightly. Pulling out the book Caleb had given him earlier that day, Fjord opened it and began to read, attempting to get his mind off of the conversation with Reani.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> They reached the Kiln a few hours later, as the sun sank beneath the mountains, casting golden shadows onto the pines. Fjord looked back as the rest of the group caught up, gathering outside the caverns. He caught Caduceus’ eye, cheeks heating (he was almost glad for the cold) as the firbolg smiled brightly. Fjord looked down, quickly following Beau as she walked into the volcano.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all dropped their bags off in one of the smaller rooms, and went their separate ways for the night. As Fjord walked out onto the mountainside, he passed Reani and Beau, both of them very obviously drunk, and shot Reani a subtle thumbs up. She grinned, and returned the gesture (with much less subtlety).</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the mountainside, Fjord sat down, spreading his cloak out beneath him. He closed his eyes, thinking of Caduceus, and the way he had taught him to breathe for this type of thing. It was a lot harder when there was nobody in front of him, guiding him through the process. His safety net was gone, nothing to fall back on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Granted, it was also a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>fucking colder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord shook himself, focusing back on his breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Exhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cold seemed to fade around him, and Fjord felt more relaxed with each breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Exhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A seed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Exhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An oath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Protection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Exhale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He woke up to muffled voices and the smell of saltwater, not in his throat but warm and comforting around him, in his nose and on his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~*~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been a day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord was tired, aching, and he just wanted to </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleep</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s finished splashing water on his face and is about to climb into bed when Caduceus speaks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did really well today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord turned, confused, but flattered. He scratched the back of his head, “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, tomorrow’s gonna be hard,” Caduceus sat back on his heels, and Fjord took it as a sign to also sit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I feel like you’re gonna be tempted into some old bad habits,” and oh, how Fjord wished Caduceus weren’t completely right, “uh, and you’ve been doing really, really well, and I’m- we’re going to be- I feel like we’re going to be tested with our convictions and our truth. And I know we’re gonna have to lie, and I know we’re gonna have to be… complicated in what truths we reveal. And I know that it’s all in the end going to be to try and build a peace, but I just want to make sure that, uh, you remember where you are and how you became this person, and what it’s worth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord was speechless for a moment, feeling slightly laid bare in the face of Caduceus’ praise and scrutiny, “Thank you for… saying that,” he paused, “Is it important to the Wildmother to be honest at all times?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus sighed softly, pursing his lips in thought. If Fjord weren’t preoccupied by a slight crisis of faith he might have found it adorable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, I don’t know. I would say…” Caduceus leaned back, folding his arms, “Well, do you feel that nature is honest, or do you feel that nature can lie? And does nature lie?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it can certainly be deceiving. Natural camouflage and colours and poisons and deterrents and all sorts of things,” Fjord trailed off, feeling slightly like he had given the wrong answer. Caduceus watched him, waiting for him to finish, “But it’s also unyielding, it doesn’t change for anyone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Fjord stopped talking, Caduceus smiled at him, soft and bright and a little blinding, “I never really thought of it that way.” Fjord breathed out in belief, looking back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus’ face turned to something more serious as he reached into his pocket, “Well, I’ve been waiting on this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord nearly stopped breathing as Caduceus pulled out a beautiful, ornate seal of the Wildmother. Instead of wheat chaffs there was blued copper seaweed, an iron anchor spike through it and a blue wave crystal in the center. Fjord stared at it as Caduceus handed it to him, and he barely heard his next words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, it’s nice of you to ask me every now and then, but I don’t really know if you need to that often anymore. You seem to have a handle on things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where did this even come from?” Fjord tore his gaze away from the seal to stare wide-eyed up at Caduceus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was made at the forge.” Caduceus says it so matter-of-factly, as if he hadn’t just gifted Fjord the second most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his life, “I’ve been waiting for the right moment.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’re uh, you’re on your way.” Caduceus looks at Fjord again, almost sadly, “You’re already well on the path, and I think that the more you look to yourself for some of these answers- and I’m always happy to hear them- I think you’ll be finding that they’re in there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for helping me. I’m really, really glad that we- that our paths crossed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus smiled, and stuck out a hand for Fjord. He took it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To divine intervention.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord smiled, clasping Caduceus’ hand and shaking it, “To divine intervention.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Caduceus went back to his bedroll, fluffing his pillow and laying out his blanket, Fjord turned back to the bed, carefully turning the symbol over in his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve got to find a dope-ass place for this thing,” he muttered, weighing the places it would fit best on his armour. Caduceus laughed from where he had begun to get into bed, and pulled the cover up to his waist. Fjord snuck one more glance at the cleric before getting into bed himself, placing the seal softly onto the table beside him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~*~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He honestly was not entirely sure how exactly Jester had convinced their entire party to dance. But she had done it, and now here they were.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It likely had to do with the fact that a good number of them were shitfaced in a random pub in Zadash, something with cauldrons and bottomless somethings in the name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Surveying the room, Fjord could see that Jester had pushed Beau into Yasha, and they two were swept into the crowd as the other patrons danced along with them. Caleb and Jester were dancing together, Caleb looking slightly uncomfortable as Jester twirled him around and downright green as she dipped him, looking at Fjord with a ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>help me</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ expression on his face. Fjord knew better than to go against something Jester had decided was necessary. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>From behind him, Fjord felt a light hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see the tiefling in question, looking up at him with a mischievous expression on her face. He wondered if she had somehow teleported across the bar in the few seconds he had looked away. He wouldn’t put it past her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why aren’t you dancing, Fjord?” Jester’s voice was honey-sweet but even Fjord could tell there was an end goal in mind, and he took a small step back, attempting to avoid whatever she was about to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, don’t feel great, dicey beer and all that, gotta go-” Fjord shrugged her hand off his shoulder and started towards the bathroom, but was stopped by Jester grabbing his hand and dragging him back to the dancefloor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed, “You know, you guys always forget that I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>as wise as Caduceus,” She raked her eyes up and down his face, squinting, “You’re not sick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord looked at their feet, tapping the floor in a steady pattern to the lively tune of the music.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Listen, Jester, I just… I’m not exactly in the mood to dance right now. I know you only have the party’s best interests at heart but I just don’t see how this is necessary.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, first off, matchmaking, obviously!” Jester paused for a moment and her gaze softened, “And everyone has been wound a little tight lately. Everything has been going pret-ty fast. It would be good for everyone to just relax and forget about peace treaties and the Assembly and everything for a night. I’m a healer, too, you know. But, like, I’m more, you know...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Reckless?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Exciting</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Jester grinned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was right, Fjord realised. With the plans to deal with the Cerberus Assembly and their impending voyage to Eiselcross, the Nein had all been pretty stressed. Maybe it would be good to unwind for a few hours. Get drunk. Dance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose…” Fjord looked down at Jester, smiling. The music had changed at some point, and they were now whirling across the dancefloor, Fjord’s legs occasionally getting caught in Jester’s skirt. She snorted as he scrambled to catch his balance, but cut herself off as she looked over his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Your stop is coming up!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord furrowed his brow, confused, “What-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then Jester was pushing him away, quickly finding herself in the arms of a tall half elf, and winking as Fjord turned and looked up into the face of Caduceus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus startled and blinked down at Fjord for a moment before his face broke into a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello there, Fjord.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Caduceus,” Now or never. Now or never, “Care to dance?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus’ smile turned into something confused. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t exactly know… how.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Do not fucking do it. Don’t do it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could show you how?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>God fucking damnit.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus was smiling again, his sleepy, half-moon grin, “Alright, Mister Fjord, lead the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord offered his hand, leading Caduceus out to the edge of the dancefloor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, I don’t know exactly what type of dance everyone’s doing right now,” He brushed some hair out of his face, feeling suddenly anxious, “But, uh, most fast paced dance you just kinda… go with the beat?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus looked confused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord tried again, spotting a blue tiefling man in the crowd, accompanied by a shorter black dragonborn. The two twirled around the tavern, their shoes hitting the floor in time with the fiddle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See how they sort of, uh, step in time with the music?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus, watched them carefully for a moment, his eyes following the couple, “Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cleric looked slightly surprised, “That’s it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord laughed nervously, “Uh, yep. There are obviously more complicated dances that exist, but usually you don’t see them in these types of places. Maybe somewhere like the Pillow Trove, or the party in Nicodranas last month, you know.” Caduceus watched him patiently as he rambled, and Fjord realised that the song had already switched again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… shall we?” Caduceus looked out at the dancing people once again, and nodded, still smiling slightly. He smelled like fruit juice and fermentation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once they had really gotten to the dancefloor, they were immediately absorbed into the crowd, surrounded by warm bodies and more often than not bumping into the couple next to them. Caduceus was slightly clumsy at first, wrong-footed and cautious, but he was more dexterous than Fjord had ever been, and picked up on the movements surprisingly quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At one point, they passed Yasha and Beau, the two of them whorling past them in a blur of black and blue and white, and even though it was too fast for Beau to have possibly done anything of the sort, Fjord could have sworn he felt her elbow him in the side. Maybe she was even faster than he thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A new song came on, something familiar, with vocals. Singing of savage seas and rings of gold. Fjord looked up at Caduceus, who seemed to be occupied with not stepping on the other dancers’ feet at the moment. In a brave, </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span>, moment, Fjord moved his left hand from Caduceus’ shoulder to his waist, snaking between his breastplate straps and his belt. It was enough to snap Caduceus out of his focus, and he looked down at Fjord. Fjord gave an awkward smile, and pretended like nothing had happened. He felt Caduceus’ hand tighten around his, and blinked at him in surprise. Caduceus looked at something across the tavern. The rhythm of the song picked up, and Fjord realised that he recognised it from a band that had played in a tavern he often went to with his crewmates in Port Damali, a Tal’doreian song. Fjord’s eyes found the pink lichen patch above Caduceus’ heart, and watched as a small beetle crawled across the firbolg’s breastplate. He remembered the tunnel on Rumblecusp, how close he had come to losing this, losing Caduceus, how useless he’d felt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Never again</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Fjord thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wildmother help me, never again</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Around him, Fjord smelled saltwater, something like the time he had woken up cocooned by seaweed, but livelier. More joyful. A celebration of faith, rather than the necessity of it. It felt like approval.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The fiddle picked up, the steady beat of the drum quickening. Their feet moved faster on the wooden floorboards, as the entire building seemed to be alight with happiness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And the music stopped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Time seemed to stand still for a moment, as Fjord gazed up at Caduceus, breathing heavily. The cleric stared back down at him, an absent sort of smile on his face. He was flushed, his cheeks pink beneath his fur, and Fjord could see small beads of sweat at his hairline. They stayed like that for a few seconds, neither of the two seemingly wanting to acknowledge the </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>that hung in the air between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually the music started back up, something slower and softer. It was a good thing they were back at the edge of the floor, Fjord thought, because they were not moving.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord cleared his throat, dropping his hands, and taking a small step back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, so that was… dancing.” He wiped his brow, sleeve coming off slightly dampened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus said nothing for a bit, before straightening slightly and nodding to Fjord.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was fun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, it, uh,” Fjord shook himself, “We should probably get out of the way, somebody is going to bump into us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they crossed the tavern to find Veth, Jester, and Yasha cheering on Beau as she led Caleb in what Fjord assumed to be a truly horrendous approximation of a waltz, Fjord felt a slight pit in his stomach, and wondered why.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~*~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord probably should have anticipated Eiselcross being cold as balls, being referred to as the “Biting North” and whatnot, but every time he stepped out of the warmth of Caleb’s mansion, the subzero climate never failed to knock the wind out of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And when Caleb was out of spell slots… Well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Needless to say, Fjord was not having a good time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Nein were all huddled together around a fire, still sore and tired from the fight with the roc earlier. Almost everyone had gone down, and Caduceus and Jester were going around, fussing over each member of the Nein as needed. Fjord watched as Caduceus closed his eyes, a warm pink light spreading from his hand and pink lichen growing and flaking away over a particularly nasty cut that Yasha had on her forehead. She smiled gratefully, and Caduceus limped over to Fjord, leaning heavily on his staff. He dropped to his knees in front of Fjord, laying his staff down beside him and beginning to examine Fjord’s wounds, taking antiseptic and bandages out of his bag as he turned Fjord’s head to each side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t look like it got you too bad,” Caduceus’ voice snapped Fjord out of his reverie, and he focused back in on the cleric as he poured the cleaning alcohol onto a cloth, beginning to clean Fjord’s cuts and scrapes, “A few bad ones, but the worst I think is where it tried to fly off with you.” Caduceus looked up from his work to smile at Fjord, and he chuckled self-consciously in response. Looking around, it seemed that most of the rest of the Nein were passed out on the floor of the cave, with Jester looking over Beau’s wounds one last time, as the monk in question blushed furiously at the tiefling currently prodding at her (those had to be flexed, right?) abs. Fjord winced as the antiseptic worked its way into his deeper cuts, and Caduceus wrinkled his nose apologetically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry, it’s gonna sting a little.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine,” Fjord lied, breathing loudly through his nose as he tried not to tear up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Caduceus cleaned and bandaged, Fjord found himself watching. The cleric was still leaking blood from a gash that ran down the side of his face, and from a few larger lacerations that the roc managed to get between the plates of his beetle armour. His white-pink hair fell out from behind his ear, and almost instinctively, Fjord reached out and tucked it back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus froze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord froze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Too much? I’m sorry, did I overstep at all-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus laughed softly, finishing with Fjord’s last wound and putting the cloth back into his bag, “No, I just… I don’t think I was expecting that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you know… that’s what friends are for.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why did he say that? Why the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>did he say that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus smiled at Fjord again, confusion tinging his gaze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord’s eyes widened, and Caduceus began to haul himself up by his staff.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Caduceus, wait-” Fjord grabbed Caduceus’ arm, pulling him back down to eye level.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, Fjord?” Caduceus asked gently, ever patient and ever kind. Fjord swallowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... You’re hurt?” It came out as slightly more of a question than Fjord would have liked, but Caduceus stayed seated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can heal myself later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re out of everything above second level, Caduceus. Just…” Fjord looked into Caduceus’ eyes, hoping he understood, “Let me. For once.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus nodded wordlessly, and offered Fjord his bag. He took it, removing the cloth Caduceus had been using on him just a few seconds ago, and poured a bit more alcohol onto it, unbuckling Caduceus’ armour and setting to work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first cut he cleaned was the largest one, on Caduceus’ shoulder. He untied the strings on Caduceus’ shirt, gingerly removing the fabric around the cut and cleaning the area, before starting on the cut itself. If it hurt, Caduceus handled it significantly better than Fjord had.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other cut, closer to Caduceus’ neck, was smaller, but it appeared to be deeper, and as Fjord cleaned it, he could see Caduceus’ hands tightening on his staff, his knuckles going  white. Before Fjord could think better of what he was doing, he leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to the raw flesh around the cut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He heard Caduceus gasp slightly, but he leaned into Fjord’s touch, his warm, furred flesh healing together under Fjord’s lips. As Fjord sat back up, he saw Caduceus staring at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, that was too much. I won’t do it again, promise-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus cupped Fjord’s cheek, tilting his head back up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t mind it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord choked on his own spit, “Oh, uh, great! Good. Uh. Would you like to uh… Would you mind doing it again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus grinned, seemingly delighted in Fjord’s flustered state, and moved forward to press his lips softly against Fjord’s. He felt the cuts that weren’t bandaged seal closed as Caduceus kissed him. Fjord moved his hand up to close over the last cut on Caduceus’ head, and cupped his fingers over it as he poured the last of his healing energy into the cleric. Caduceus exhaled softly into Fjord’s mouth, and Melora, if Fjord wasn’t the luckiest person on earth right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they finally broke apart, they were both flushed, and Fjord grinned as he noticed that Caduceus hadn’t actually managed to open his eyes yet. He lightly nudged the firbolg with his elbow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You alright, Caduceus?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cracked an eye open, before fully opening the other and blinking a few times, “That was nice. That was really nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord laughed, “Good. That’s good,” He felt like his face was melting when he looked at Caduceus, “That was about the </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> good thing that’s happened since we teleported to this fucking godsforsaken hellscape.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It hasn’t been easy, but I think the faster we do what we came here to do, the faster we’ll be out,” Caduceus sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. Yeah. You’re probably right. Usually are about these things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus smiled, “Thank you, Fjord.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well. At least it’s not Rumblecusp, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ew, yeah. That place… Didn’t seem to like me, I don’t think.” Caduceus shivered, and Fjord took his hand, giving it a small squeeze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh… Alright, then,” Fjord gestured vaguely to where Beau and Yasha had curled up together, “I’m gonna go… sleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus nodded, “Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Fjord. I’ll wake Veth and Caleb for their watch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks… ‘Night, Deucey.” Fjord couldn’t remember the last time he had used that nickname, but Caduceus’ grin looked bright enough to warm the ground he walked on, so Fjord made a note to do it again, unrolling his bedroll and spreading his blankets out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as he had gotten comfortable, staring up at the ceiling of the cave, he felt a sharp pain in his upper arm, and had to bite his tongue to keep from yelling. He turned to see Beau grinning and silently yelling what he assumed were congratulations at him. Fjord reddened and smiled awkwardly back. The monk punched him in the arm again for good measure, wiggling her eyebrows a few times, before turning back over to spoon with Yasha.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord dreamed of the ocean and the sun on his face and the scent of salt in white-pink hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~*~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next morning, Fjord woke up to the scent of incense nearby. He sat up in his bedroll, slightly jostling Beau who curled up further into Jester, who seemed to have joined the pile with Yasha and the monk while Fjord was asleep. Looking around, Fjord spotted Caduceus sitting cross-legged on a mat near the fire, incense burning in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord got up as quietly as he could, tip-toeing across the cavern to where Caduceus was set up. The cleric cracked open an eye to glance up at Fjord, before scooting over on his mat to make room for him. Fjord smiled gratefully, and sat, drawing his knees up to his chest, grabbing his boots that were lying nearby and pulled them over his woolen socks. Once Fjord didn’t feel as though he would catch hypothermia at any minute, he closed his eyes, thinking of the ocean as Caduceus had instructed all those months ago, in a different freezing cave. He steadied his breathing, attempting to match Caduceus’ pace. Fjord wasn’t quite sure how long they sat like that, but after what he assumed were a few minutes, Fjord began to feel slightly anxious. They had never really… talked about the events of last night. What were they? What did it mean? Eventually the squirming anxiety in Fjord’s throat was a little too much to bear and he opened his eyes, turning to Caduceus beside him. The cleric’s eyes were also already open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, Fjord?” Caduceus spoke eventually, mild confusion in his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I…” Fjord struggled to find the words to describe exactly what he was feeling before giving up, “I’m a little confused, to be honest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus’ eyebrows furrowed, “About what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This-” Fjord gestured between Caduceus and himself, “I just- I’m not sure what exactly we are. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if you… liked people like that, but then the thing last night. And now I’m just not sure where we stand.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t, not really.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like people,” Caduceus laughed lightly, “Like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Fjord’s heart sank, and he looked down into his lap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fjord,” Caduceus spoke again after a few seconds, “I don’t… You’re important to me. And I… I know that I do love you. Not… Like that, exactly. But you’re one of the most important people in the world to me. And I would like to- I would like to have </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>with you, but it wouldn’t be exactly… what you might have hoped for. I’m sorry if I’ve… let you down somehow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course not, you’ve never let me down before and I hardly think that you have now,” Fjord assured Caduceus, taking his hand, “And… To be honest, yeah. This isn’t exactly what I was expecting, and it’s a little different than what I had pictured before. But… our group hasn’t ever really done anything in the orthodox way, so I don’t suppose this would be any different. And I would… also like to have something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus smiled, looking relieved. Fjord gave his hand another squeeze for good measure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what exactly would you like ‘something’ to be?” Fjord asked, using his free hand to make air quotes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I’ve never done this before.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, me neither. Gotta start somewhere.” They both laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What we did last night,” Caduceus said softly, “That was nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kissing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, kissing is good,” Fjord made a mental note, committing it to memory. He cleared his throat, “Uh, I know you already said you weren’t into… uh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sex?” Caduceus offered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord reddened, “Uh, yes. Sex.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will that be a problem?” Caduceus looked concerned again, and Fjord smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Gods, no. I, uh. I’m not into… that, either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus looked thoughtful, tilting his head to the side, “Hugging is good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, hugging. Anything you aren't comfortable with?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not that I can think of right now. I think that’s more… we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Uh,” He trailed off, opening his mouth before closing it again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, ‘Deucey?” Fjord began tracing circles onto the back of Caduceus’ hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cuddling,” Caduceus looked at Fjord, his eyes soft, “I… I miss that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Caduceus,” Fjord puffed out a breath, “Cool, cool… out of curiosity, what is your stance on pet names?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus grinned, “Why? What’s yours?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord’s eyes widened, not expecting the question to be turned back on himself, “Uh… I think they can be cute? I had never really considered it before, to be honest. I’m not really sure that they’re… for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus’ grin softened, “Of course. I suppose…” He trailed off, his tail flicking slightly behind him, “What are we, do you think, Fjord?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright not to know. It’s… very new. For both of us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord considered everything for a moment. He was definitely… romantically attracted to Caduceus. Caduceus had said that he loved him, he was important to him. Caduceus was important to him as well. And… Fjord thought that he loved him too. He knew Caduceus wasn’t the type of person to be in a romantic relationship. Hell, their entire relationship before last night had been built on being unorthodox, being different.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think, for now, we could just… be each other’s… people? Gods, that sounds stupid-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus took Fjord’s other hand, pulling him closer and pressing their foreheads together. Fjord could smell the spices in the soup they had eaten last night, the blood from the fight, the wet fur on their coats, and likely Caduceus as well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds lovely, Fjord,” Caduceus smiled as if Fjord had just given him the sun, not a vague sort of clarity in the definition of their relationship, “I think I would like to be your person.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord inhaled shakily, closing his eyes, “I’d like to be your person as well, Caduceus.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed like that for a few minutes before Fjord felt something hard and cold hit him in the back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get a room!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked behind him to see Beau crouched a few feet away, furiously packing together another snowball, and looked back to Caduceus to see the firbolg grinning at the wet spot that was now on Fjord’s jacket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, Beau but we happen to bMMPH-” Fjord turned just in time to see Veth standing directly behind him, staring into his eyes with her hand raised to shove snow presumably down his jacket, but seemed to change her mind as she turned around, shoving the ice into his face. Fjord scrambled backwards, bumping into Caduceus and bowling him over. Veth cackled as she jumped away from Fjord, dodging the snow he kicked up at her as Beau pelted him and Caduceus with more snowballs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord could hear Caduceus’ laugh, loud and bright, and through the snow melting down his face he could see Yasha and Jester begin to stir as Caleb whispered an incantation to haste Beau. He really was so lucky to have these people, his people. He looked back at Caduceus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His person.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>stream class of 2013 by mitski and know that somewhere else in the world i am also listening and we can cry about the nebulous blob of the unknown that happens to be the near to slightly less near future.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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